I Live, April 30, 2016
Well, the close of 30 Poems in 30 Days challenge has comes to an end today. There is a part of me that is glad for it. I found working under the pressure of the commitment during a time in my life that I don’t feel strongly poetic to be such a struggle and even harder to share with you poems that were hewn out of my mind. They weren’t polished. They were not edited. They didn’t come out of a good flow process. They were work and discipline. They were me doing my very best when my best was way beyond reach.
The other part of me is proud to have made the commitment to write 30 original poems in 30 days. I went into the project knowing that it would be a challenge under my current circumstances but felt compelled to take that journey. A challenge and I stood up. I suppose on the other hand to not feeling poetic, that I was very much so considering that I chose to write even when I knew it would be difficult. I did it anyway. Because the core of me is poetic. It is, no matter the circumstances. Even when it looks near impossible, I do it anyway. Difficult phases in life can deplete the creativity but ultimately it is not squelched.
That is sort of the top of the mountain phenomenon. When the climb is excruciating, you know it will be but you set out anyway. You prepare but encounter challenges along the way in terms of pain, fatigue, injury, equipment failure, and weather obstacles. When you reach the summit, all is forgotten and that view captivates you. No, not forgotten, it actually made the view that much more the awe. Definitely not forgotten, every obstacle tore you down and you put yourself back together stronger. It becomes part of your gears, you take it with you to the top and it gives you the eyes to see farther, deeper, focused. Compelled to summit.
I am compelled to write. So I am glad for the climb and I thank you for sharing it with me. I think you are as brave as I am. It is natural for us to want to cheer on the successful and hard to watch someone struggling. It was not always easy each day to say, “This is the poem I have to share.” Sometimes I was more proud of completing the share than the poem. There is a part of me that is always striving to be better, to make better, stretching to find a new level and it is the most difficult for me to present work that I feel lacks a certain inspiration within it. However, I look at this process differently. It was not about each individual poem. Yes, some of them were great and some of them fulfilled a position, but it was more about the collective process. I remembered that some where towards the end. The unasked, asked question within me – was I willing to venture even when I knew I would stumble often, maybe fail? Would I continue on when I was going no where?
That is the spirit of my creative force. It does not answer to any illusions or forums but only to create. I did that. I created 30 Poems in 30 Days.
Unlike the last words of my last poem, “I am the same”, I am changed for answering this challenge. In the poem, I am finding the beauty of being and acceptance comes. I think it is a lovely poem to finish Poetry Month. It is the collective climb and summit moment.
Thank you for taking this journey with me. Thank you for not looking away but for wishing that I would get it together. I consider that encouragement. As an artist that deals heavily in process, I see the same affects in my writing. This project was a process and part of its creativity was exposing that process. I hope that you also found inspiration in following the process whether it was the poetry or witness to my climb, that is my true success.
Here’s to next years horizon of what ever it may bring.