To Say, April 16, 2016, 30 Poems in 30 Days
To Say, April 16, 2016
Today’s poem is about those moments, like today, when I don’t know what to say, when I think I have nothing to say. In writing, there is a practice to overcome this obstacle. It is to write anything without the need to make sense or reason. Its the practice of movement. Many times it has unlocked a direction in my own writing. During this practice, it sometimes comes down to me simply saying that I don’t know what to say.
I find this poem beautiful because this is what I am writing but the black mark implies there is something to say. It has not been extrapolated or articulated just yet and by the end of the poem, although unreadable, it does say something.
Go Then, April 15, 2016, 30 Poems in 30 Days
Go Then, April 15, 2016
Its such an interesting journey walking with a creative poetry muse. For weeks, I’ve been struggling, struggling, then not; then it changes again. Today it did not flow but not because it was silent. I was receiving instruction to follow the prompts to get to the poem. I felt an urge to leave the typewriter and car to walk along the shore line. At a certain point I knew it was time to walk back but nothing beyond that. When I arrived back at the car, I felt a knowing that it was time to leave. I fought the leaving because it is so difficult for me to write at the house, but the urge persisted. I went home where I was urged to open my old apple computer and type in illustrator. I wanted to stay on the typewriter but as soon as I began typing in illustrator, the words started building up like bricks to a house. When the poem was finished, I sat back in a sense of amazement. Poetry is a spirit or energy that communicates with me. When I listen to it and not my own design, lovely poetry happens.
Silent Space, April 14, 2016, 30 Poems in 30 Days
Silent Space, April 14, 2016
I went back to the park and as soon as I opened the hatch door, the poem was waiting on me. I typed it out and then enjoyed the scene for a while. Nature is so wonderful.
The Un Doors, April 13, 2016, 30 Poems in 30 Days
The Un Doors, April 13, 2016
I felt a shift yesterday. I think I walked out into it. I sat in my car typing phrases that didn’t connect with each other until I felt the universe pulsing in the middle of the field. I left the car and stepped into those vibrations. Was it my movement or the vortex? Perhaps the combination. Because today when I drove to the park to type a poem, I could feel the universe. It wasn’t in the field, it was in my car, it was in my chest. This poem poured out of me. I’m not sure how it will read for you with the coded but I am enamored with it. Thank you for following along this poetry road.
Ed Ad, April 12, 2016, 30 Poems in 30 Days
Ed Ad, April 12, 2016
I sat at the park, with beautiful phrases going through my mind but nothing was uniting. A feeling came over me to leave the typewriter for a moment, to go and walk by the water. As I did, the string of thoughts followed each other. I stayed in the trees trusting that the words would not leave me as they were still coming. I came to a section of the trees where I knew it was time to return to the typewriter. The poem came together and there is a part that I really appreciate. I like the way the words trickle down to ‘the road end’ which is actually the beginning to climb the hill.
On The, April 11, 2016, 30 Poems in 30 Days
On The, April 11, 2016
Today’s poem is a turning of the corner from the struggling. I found that place where I waited for the creative energy to come to me and I trusted it word by word. I also made a commitment to myself that I would try harder, sacrifice more, for my creative life. I decided to do more to foster an environment where my creative being can excel. It all sounds very simple and easy but it will take everything I have to make it through these days. There is a force within me that will.
Pottery, April 10, 2016, 30 Poems in 30 Days
Pottery, April 10, 2016
I have not been quiet about the struggle I am having with writing during this project and I’ve been spending a lot of time considering – Why.
I’ve come up with more than one reason, a sort of tapestry of different aspects. One is my life situation. The shift from focusing on being creative to meeting my basic needs left me drained with a lack of creative energy. My daily practice began to suffer with less and less time and energy to dedicate to it. Coming to my work felt too far in between and disconnected. Another reason, and a compounded one, is specific to the nature of this project. It is the difference between producing a poem on a schedule compared to my usual custom of writing poetry when the poem presents itself. I am finding it a true challenge to to get past the pressure to produce every day when I don’t feel well versed, my energy drained and resources depleted.
Aside from all that, this project has been great for the purpose of holding a mirror to my work regime in its current situation. Probably the most important realization is one that needed me to back up, way back and take a big picture view at what I was going through. What I saw was an artist and a person that was struggling and fighting for balance and survival. But just as a backed up to take a look, I also zoomed in to those quiet moments when I am alone with tool and medium. What was the joy? I remembered it there in that wonderful in sync feeling of being in the zone, visited by my creative muse. What would happen in those visits was – trust. My creative muse would direct me and I would trust the direction.
I considered this on a small scale and wondered why it to be any different on a large scale, for example, a scale that included my entire life. At that thought I realized that I wanted to trust. So I did. I trusted this time in my life with its struggles and brokeness to have meaning to call out some greatness in me. To push me beyond what I think I am capable of.
I thought of a potter talking to their clay, the clay responds not knowing the painful processes it will endure will turn it into a beautiful piece of pottery. I had a choice to make. Then this poem was born.
At I, April 9, 2016, 30 Poems in 30 Days
At I, April 9, 2016
I returned to the park to write. I sat in my station wagon, in the back seat that faces out. The window was flipped open but I was parked into the wind so the rain coming down didn’t enter through the window. It was nice to be in the quiet with the only sounds of nature.
I can’t say it was any easier to write today but this process is like holding a mirror up to my life. When nothing seems right, still I trust that I am where I need to be, learning through the unsuccessful phases. And with that statement, it really redefines ‘unsuccessful’ as success.
It is looking at the reflected image and not being afraid to see it no matter what it may be.
He Let Me Fall, April 8, 2016, 30 Poems In 30 Days
April 8, 2016 He Let Me Fall
In the wake of yesterday’s epiphany, I realize that this will not be an easy transition. Again today, I sat for hours struggling with finding the poetry. It doesn’t worry me, it actually gives me gratitude to experience this block. It tells me that I am in a break through moment in my life. It motivates me to push harder, not at poetry but at the environment that I have created around my creative energy. It makes me realize that I have been given an amazing gift to share my art in literary terms and visual. I makes me want to protect it, nurture it and give it a channel where it can flow. I see that there are improvements to be made.
Something, April 7, 2017, 30 poems in 30 days
April 7, 2016, Something
For a long time I sat and wrote, trying very hard to produce a poem. I was struggling to get into the poetry frame of mind. What happened was that I wrote eight pages of self-actualization of explaining things to myself. It was all very enlightening but much too personal.
In the midst of this angst I realized something. When I began my art career, I made a decision to not make my art about my own broken emotions. I told myself that I would not use my art as a way to express myself. I had a vision of a greater goal than my emotional state. In the process of pulling my emotions out of my art, I wondered if others were not able to connect to my work. Was it too impersonal? So I began to infuse myself into my work in hopes of making a connection with my appreciators.
This is what happened today. I saw myself writing from this personal point of view. I was trying to show my humanity. But I realized my connection is not that I make myself vulnerable and show my hardships with you. I am bringing you art that is meant to inspire and encourage. It is my hope that it enlightens you. It was never about me but what I could give to you. So I regrouped and wrote this visual poem for you.
He Called, April 6, 2016, 30 poems in 30 days
Today’s poem I sat in the wind. It just thrashed around me. I had gone to the place where the park attendant had said there were pelicans but as I sat there I had a feeling come over me. I really wanted to see a heron. The great blue heron has become a distant friend of mine that shows up in daily life at odd times and almost always jolts my awareness. Today I stared at the trees – where I saw no pelicans. The trees were flood damaged. About twenty feet up the trunks were black sticks from a far. The tops had already filled out green from the warm spring. I sat and watched the trees. That’s when I saw it, the blue heron and all the chaos in my mind like the wind around me, was calmed. It was a beautiful symbiotic moment in nature.
Silence Chirps, April 5, 2016, 30 poems in 30 days
April 5, 2016, Silence Chirps
So today I drove to Wolf Creek State Park, backed up to the trees, opened the hatch and sat in the glorious human silence, listening only to the birds. The only bird I saw was a female wild turkey but ironically, also the only one I didn’t hear, or so I think. And if you are wondering why I didn’t go into the woods — poison ivy. Today’s poem is the sounds of the birds. I was surprised at what a challenge it was to focus on one bird - so much constant chatter.
One Hour, April 4, 2016, 30 Poems In 30 Days
April 4, 2016 One Hour
I am beginning to see a theme with my time. When its not the most convenient or comfortable situation, its important to continue. I am really conjuring time and energy from where and when I can. You won’t always be where you are if you keep moving. Except for me, I might come full circle because I draw a lot of circles. In any case I’ll start on a new circle.
I was just thinking, shamefully, how its been a while since I dedicated time in the day for sitting and writing. I was a bit angry at myself because it is something I enjoy so much and I know that it is imperative to the survival of the creative to work work work. Creativity is like any muscle, if you don’t use it, it will atrophy. So starting this challenge showed me how rusty I was in writing. I’ve been trying to live and not able to find enough time in each day to do it all. A sort of struggling to stay afloat. Unfortunately, the creativity has been the one to suffer the most, more than, say the sleeping. Theoretically, I imagine that I can reduce the sleeping to three hours a night to aid in getting more done but mental energy really needs its rest. I’ll just find myself with my head fallen down on my key pad after a few nights of that.
It is certainly a wake up call for me in my current situation to not let it slip away. I have dedicated so much and sacrificed so much for so many years to my creativity. It would be a real shame to just fall asleep to it because I was bothered with the nuances of life, like food, clothing and shelter. I think Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs might say what I’m experiencing is normal. None the less, I’m pushing to get off the bottom of the triangle. If you have supported me through the years or you are a new supporter of my art, I want to personally thank you for your support. It is much appreciated and enables me to continue to bring this creative message that I have been charged to give. You are a part of that and I thank you.
P.S. I think its interesting that I began talking about today’s poem in terms of circles when it is typed blocky and square. Perhaps this is my wheel and I haven’t invented the round wheel for my creativity just yet. I’m not fretting, its all in time.
Water Need, April 3, 2016, 30 Poems In 30 Days
April 3, 2016 Water Need
I don’t think I realized how preoccupied I’ve been with daily life. Until today, when I decided to write my poem on my lunch break knowing I would be creative zapped at the end of the day. I sat there looking over a field of wild grass waving in the wind. I felt like I was on some sort of beach and the grass waves were crashing at my feet. Poetry was coming alive. I could feel it again like I was in an ocean of wonderful words swimming all around me. I had missed it and not even known I had. A true sense of missing. I should remember this day. If you have a day like this, remember it too, to always do the thing you love, that is living.
Bowling Time, April 2, 2016, 30 Poems in 30 Days
April 2, 2016 Bowling Time
Day two and already I’m feeling the burn. Its been a full day of everything but poetry, or sitting down for poetry writing. I’ll say it like that because I believe that poetry is an integral part of my everyday life. It is just part of who I am. But some days making the commitment to put it on paper is just that – a commitment, like today when my mind and body were completely exhausted. I would not allow myself to skip one day and surely not as soon as the second day. Nor write any later than immediately. I made myself do write in spite of it being late and my mind feeling depleted. I sat down with nothing on my mind. I began to type the only word that came to me, time. From there I followed word for word the words that seemed to only come as fast as I could type. It was a typing on faith poem. I didn’t quite know what I wanted to say but I said what came to me as it did. When it was completed, I had a bit of an emotional exhale. I felt that the poem was good. I didn’t understand how it could come out of me when I felt I had nothing else to give. One of those creative mysteries that seem to happen quite often. Thank you for reading my poem and hopefully you will challenge yourself to read a poem a day for thirty days.
but goal accomplished. Poem, done. And I like it.